After All

The Endless Poem of Disintegration Discord Debauchery

In the dark memory of Andrew Cunanan

 

After all the shit that regularly squeezes itself out of me with enviable consistency is the only true testimony to my talents

Add to that the gallons of sperm magnanimously deposited by me

in countless mouths asses and cunts

 

The zombification of the population was quite successful

How can people with faces like THAT walk down the street?

That the official statistic on human degradation is strongly understated is no secret to anyone

 

Just recently i undertook a desperate attempt to improve the nation's genetic makeup

The tanned whore Linda Campanella director of the sperm bank of new york looking at me professionally below the belt declared that i could not become a donor since i was part of a "risk group" (a pervert in other words) and that she was really sorry since no matter how you twist it i have a high IQ i am good-looking blond and blue-eyed and were it not for my tattoos piercings disorderly sexual contacts cocksucking and buttfucking i would be their hottest and most sought-after inseminator

I AM REALLY REALLY SORRY! – Linda said with a pathetical sigh (her last name by the way means little bell in Italian)

 

Having heard her verdict i imagined how my highly intellectual blue-eyed sperm is flowing down her face she is choking on it forgetting about the risk and everything else she feels good good good the face has a joyful and senselessly withdrawn expression OH – linda whispers – OH SHIT and then in Russian: NOW I FEEL WELL-FUCKED she is splashing around in the midst of billions of my mean cubs floating and jumping on the waves of voluptuousness she is carried by the stream out of the sperm bank that had flooded in my depraved fluids together with the test-tubes filled with the militant seed of the american marines killed in gulf war precious secretions of the local rich and famous statesmen and extremely dangerous criminals the delicate gourmet liquid of thin blond pussyboys (michael jackson's special order)

in this way always the plebeians and barbarians of my sort ruin the rich and powerful civilizations new york is turning into the venetian cloaca everyone has everything swimming in front of their eyes the giant monitor on times square can barely fit the intricate plexus of genitals spewing porn at the crowds of stoned masturbating degenerates it's already too late to fight me

 

A father died in me – oh what the fuck

what a fucking great loss for society!

After all nature takes a rest in children of geniuses

go ahead go ahead rest

let my many-dicked blue-eyedness remain with me and die inside me irretrievably

 

Once i dreamed i was screwing my sister alyona there would be nothing surprising in that taking into account the unruliness of my fantasies but the next day i learned from my mother that alyona was pregnant it was difficult not to put the two together and establish a causal link between them in my mind the idea that i was the father of her child grew firm you should see how i look at my baby son-nephew dima i wish he knew what's happening in my head and my pants when he stares at me with his senseless piercing blue eyes and here my father too in his old age with his new wife manufactured a baby-boy glebushka worried about the continuation of the fucking great family of the mogutins daddy says he looks a lot like me don't know what he means by that but this gives me especial thrill and optimism since i always dreamed of having a brother for fucking and this one could be my son as well 22 years younger than me when he's about 13 he can be taken care of if i live until i'm 35 oh what sad arithmetic for now i have to satisfy myself with someone else's brothers nephews and sons

After all incest is no less a strong animal instinct than multiplying yourself in descendants

 

Where's the guarantee that the boy i fucked yesterday would not become the president of the united states tomorrow?

Or like this:

Where's the guarantee that tomorrow i won't become a boy that had been fucked yesterday by the president of the united states?

After all presidents of the united states are human too even if they are full of shit and they do need to fuck someone (if only one isn't talking about their need to be fucked by someone else!)

 

There will be no sex today

UPS is on strike for the second week the spare parts are stuck on the road

23 years in the shower did not pass in vain

Polina bit all over my dick (blowjobs are not for girls just like Taras used to say back then when I kneeled in front of him)

I’m dangerous to deal with I always describe everything

and still sex with a woman is a funny thing every real man should try it at least once in his lifetime no matter how absurd it sounds one shouldn't leave these orifices without work leave these desert cracks empty

PENIS FITS VAGINA AND THIS IS A SCIENTIFIC FACT! – the menace of american dykes Camille Paglia shouts obsessively the little bitch must be fucking lying

It is all different with girls they do not have a dick one doesn't know when and how they come and whether they come at all

the russian expression СДЕЛАТЬ ПИДАРАСКОЙ /TO TURN HER INTO A FAGGOT/ means to fuck a bitch in the ass something Taras used to dream of and that Polina likes so much I keep on doing it the old-fashioned way sticking it into her pussy but she is a modern well-read young woman takes my dick out and victoriously sticks it into her ass she's not afraid of anything her hole is so narrow narrow so tight tight it hurts she moans but doesn’t give up persistent importunate like some guerrilla girl I SERVE THE SOVIET UNION from the back almost no difference if it's a girl or a boy

 

I am telling you there will be no sex today congestion on the highways again mass disorder rallies the salaries are not paid for many months i need only to get through the stay and hold on through the night

without sex

to sublimate this stuff from the sphere of the bovine-fleshy-physical into the field of the mental-creative-intellectual of the fantasy if you wish

After all all fantasy boils down to the theme of fuck

 

Hey mom your son is really fucked up his uterus is on fire tell his sisters dick and nick that he has no nook to hide in he needs to undress immediately where the hell all the jerries hugos nandos roberts and davids deans peters and pierres all those with whom i should be in especially close physical contact why are they not around in a moment so difficult for my organism spilling blood appears unavoidable armed conflicts are inevitable the country is falling into a revolutionary situation the international condition is inflamed to the utter limit my body suffers without the deed and so does the deed without the body

 

And what will the black-skinned population of the city of new york please us with?

We the racists are picky and fastidious people we like dicks that are fatter longer and blacker

to live following the testament of comrade Mapplethorpe

to die following the advice of a torn up ass

I proclaim the hunting season for Big Black Bananas open

 

Life comes and goes unceremoniously grabbing me by the balls with its coarse callous hand and perplexing me with the same damned question:

HOW THE FUCK ELSE CAN I FUCK MYSELF OVER?

how how how?

 

In America they kill to get on TV

change sex and denounce each other to the authorities for the sake of 15 minutes of fame

not to mention copulating with cattle large and small

and with one's own parents

sending bombs in the mail

eating children at night

sticking needles into watermelons

kicking the pregnant in the belly

 

After all sex and violence are the only stuff that is now sold and bought that disturbs the soul and brings joy to the heart

sex is violence is sex

something of which there can never be too much

 

Do you enjoy it when you are being raped?

Are you being raped when you are enjoying it?

 

After all murder is the shortest path to fame

on the cover of Time magazine and the front page of the New York Times

 

Why shouldn't i become like the queer terrorist Andrew Cunanan and do away with two or three thick-skinned calvin klines having first jerked off on the underpants named after them?

And then dimwitted bourgeois will ecstatically masturbate at my hypnotic photos in the criminal chronicle and at the idiotic FBI leaflets with the magical inscription WANTED meaning literally that I AM STRONGLY DESIRED

 

For sure Andrew Cunanan is the hero of our time but the cruel truth is in the fact that he outstripped me having done what i planned to do

Well this is a damned good lesson for me next time i'll be more prompt

 

I imagine how andrew and i fuck each other getting aroused from the feeling of danger that waits for us everywhere we must be extremely attentive and careful in order not to leave any traces or evidence we eat each other's excrement it is surprising how much this brings us together our sperm has the clearly pronounced bitter taste of death and because of that is especially nutritious and tasty this is basically all we eat we never talk about love and don't kiss each other on the lips but when our eyes meet...

 

we are now more than just lovers-twins forever bound by the blood of our degenerately innocent selves we do not require introductions and references every bitch knows our faces this pleasantly titillates the nerves the level of adrenaline in our blood exceeds all permissible norms we are constantly aroused as if we are on speed or cocaine we are young beautiful and energetic we have not slept for several days sex helps us to get rid of exhaustion and to relax inserting into each other our resilient tender instruments we are charged with the energy of the cosmos which is always ready to oblige sex before murder is the most piercing the most searing of all it's always like that on the eve of murder the euphoria of stretched muscles and the ecstasy of impunity we are on cloud nine our pupils glow in the dark like cats' we copulate on the roof or in the wasteland yes right there

 

we need to hurry we have a lot of stuff to do on our shooting list there are still a few queer sharks from the stinking world of fashion and show business closeted hollywood cocksuckers activists of the church of scientology

just like anybody in america we always target rich and famous famous and rich don't even try to ask me why

it's always fun when famous people die it's our pleasure to assist them

our job is so fucking tough'n'rough you have no idea

we check the readiness of our murderous guns all the time the triggers are always cocked time and again we point them at each other pursing our lips and screwing up one eye and we cannot help laughing  we feel like laughing because these deadly phallic symbols provide our power and glory but now we are playing with them just like little boys

 

oh we are so tender with each other and so mercilessly cruel to all the other assholes who deserve only their animal fear their psychosis their hysteria but it is them who are maniacs mutants and zombies and we are cold-blooded supermen enlightened like gods who no longer need emotions and words only actions

there is definitely something superhuman about me and andrew

we terrorize and fuck over the entire world

 

My readers often ask me what logic do I follow in my work

I FOLLOW THE LOGIC OF MARTIAL LAW – I answer to my readers I believe it's better to be a killer than killed to be a gun than a pawn

 

After all somebody has to take up the functions of forest sanitation

to be a wolf in the herd of human sheep

After all we all are nothing but senseless and useless crap

compared to Jesus Christ or Mao Tse Tong

 1997, New York City
Translated from the Russian by Vitaly Chernetsky